


After Carmilla

by americanhoney913



Series: It Takes A Lifetime (Or More) [3]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 01:09:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3509549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanhoney913/pseuds/americanhoney913
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She says I smell like<br/>Safety and home<br/>I named both of her eyes<br/>"Forever" and "Please Don't Go"</p><p>She Keeps Me Warm, Mary Lambert (Welcome to the Age of My Body-EP)</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Carmilla

“So a completely unexpected thing happened. We won. We actually won _._ ” You choke back a cry. “We won.” Your voice cracks and you can’t stop the tears from dreaming own your cheeks. “And Carmilla’s dead _._ ” You finally break, body shaking with sobs.

You feel detached as Danny pulls you away from the computer. The act reminds you of when your father wrapped you in his arms after your mother died. The comfort is there, but you can’t really _feel_ it.

You watch as LaFontaine reassures Perry that “using them as a homing beacon is hardcore. And we do not apologize for the hardcore _._ ” Perry then goes on to proudly state that she killed the guy that tried to bite you before, Will. Kirsch, nursing a broken arm, winces before Perry apologizes.

Danny interrupts and goes on to talk about how she brought the Zetas and Summer sisters. When she gets to the entrance of the giant hungry light, you interrupt. “It was like the sun coming up underground _._ ” And Carmilla. Carmilla holding a sword “like a hollow in reality, eating light _._ ”

Your friends go on to talk about the light and Carmilla jumping into the pit, about Danny saving Kirsch’s ass, and the vampire cult that followed Maman dispersing after the light disappears. “Expect for Carmilla’s mom, who was fifty feet down the cliff face clinging on by her fingernails _._ ”

“Oh, and she was doing the whole ‘you fools, you don’t know what you’ve done, you’ll regret this, zombies will eat your livers _,’_ ” Danny cuts in, mimicking the Dean and making everyone but you laugh.

Kirsch smiles at the redhead and leans in. “Yeah, and Laura’s like, ‘hey, sorry, but the students of Silas University would like a new dean because (a) you’re a callous evil witch… Yep. That one’s it.’ And then Laura goes and pushes this rock that’s been teetering on the edge and bam. Down with the Dean _._ ” He looks so proud of you, but you can think of nothing but the vampire.

You sit there as they keep talking. All you can think about is the fact that it’s over. What started with your original roommate, Betty, going missing, has ended up with the death of your vampire roommate. It hurts to think about the fact that, after everything you’ve been through with Carmilla, she’s actually gone.

After a while, everyone files out of the room, Betty promising to return in the morning but wanting to give you space. Once the room is empty, you glance over at the empty bed and, finally, you surrender to the pain. There’s her clothes all over the floor and her T-shirt pillowcase with the cat on it. You kind of understand her fascination with anything feline now.

The sadness overwhelms you as you bury your face in your yellow pillow, which still smells like her. The adrenaline of the battle fades and you cry yourself into an exhausted, nightmare filled sleep.

You still can’t believe she’s gone.

******

“How’s Laura?” LaFontaine’s voice floats over you a week after the battle with the Dean.

“She hasn’t slept in a week,” Perry’s voice responds. You bury your face farther into your yellow pillow, trying to find what’s left of Carmilla’s scent. When you find nothing, you choke down a sob that shakes your whole body.

“Why does she avoid sleeping?”

“She doesn’t avoid sleeping.” Perry sighs, as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders. “She avoids dreaming.”

******

It takes a month for you to put the pieces of your broken heart back together. Betty is back but she definitely isn’t the party girl you remember.

Perry says that filming and making more video blogs will be good for you. A way for you to vent your feelings and help you heal.

So, while you film, Betty complains about Carmilla. Apparently, Betty is actually a girl who was headed to Princeton when she got trapped in the Dean’s web and was forced to choose Silas by way of manipulation. So it’s hard for you to connect the Betty you knew to the Betty who lives with you now.

You’re talking to the camera when Betty screams. In one hand is Carmilla’s ‘soy milk’ container and the other is holding a box of your cereal. “Oh my god! There’s blood in the milk container. Why is there blood in the milk container?” The blond drops the container and steps away from the counter. “What is wrong with you people? Why would anyone want to go to this school?” She stomps out of the room and you can’t help but smile. Carm is still traumatizing people even after she’s gone.

It doesn’t hurt as much anymore to accept that the vampire is gone. The thought makes your heart clench, but you try to think of the good things. You turn back to the camera and smile. There are tears in your eyes but you’re able to hold them in. “Look, I know she was a terrible roommate and kind of a terrible person sometimes, and that one big grand gesture doesn’t make up for centuries of what was essentially murder…” you ramble, trailing off with a longing look in your eyes. “But she was my terrible roommate. And she made the big gesture for me _._ ”

You sniffle, wiping your eyes with the heel of your palm. You haven’t gone to class yet and the pile of homework on your desk is calling your name, but you don’t feel motivated to do it. Actually, you haven’t felt motivated to do _anything_ lately.

There’s a knock on the door and you turn to find Perry standing nervously just inside the room. Her hair looks even crazier than usual, which might be due to her stressing over the group’s wellbeing after the big battle. And LaFontaine is spending a lot more time with the USB spirit, which you know makes Perry feel abandoned.

“Hey, Laura _._ ” Her voice wobbles slightly, which makes you stiffen. “Um, so, something happened and, um, I just wanted to come prepare you so that you wouldn’t freak out _._ ” She’s ringing her hands together and you’re clutching the top of your chair, nails digging into the fabric. “So Kirsch and some of his Zeta bros were, um, throwing cherry bombs into the big pit under the Lustig _._ ” You roll your eyes at the thought of Kirsch doing that. He’s such a child! “And, um, they found, um…” Her fidgeting is escalating and she looks behind her.

You see Danny, tall Amazonian Danny, comes in carrying something in her arms. “Sorry, Easy Bake, she’s heavier than she looks _._ ” You finally shoot up when you realize just who the redhead is holding. Dark curls are matted to a pale face. Long legs encased in now ripped black leather pants. “Okay _._ ” Danny sighs and places the too-still figure on your bed, stepping back as you start forward.

You cross the room at what feels like supernatural speed, sitting beside her stomach on the bed. You brush strands of unwashed hair over her shoulder, trace the line of her jaw up to her nose and around her slightly parted lips. There’s no breath against your hand and Danny stands next to you, a worried expression on her face.

“So we think she’s… I mean, she seems dead _,_ ” Danny stumbles over her words, “but she’s a vampire, right?”

You pull away, grabbing at the soy milk container on the counter where Betty left it. It feels half empty when you pull it closer. You tilt her head back and put her put the container to her lips, gently pouring a steady stream of crimson liquid. “Please don’t be dead _,_ ” you beg breathlessly, hoping that the last of the blood is enough to bring her back. “Please don’t be dead.”

Color returns to her cheeks slowly and she grabs the container from your hands, pulling it away. Blood drips down her chin and is smeared across her pale skin when she wipes it off. She sits up, hovering at the end of the bed, and her lip curls up into a smirk, eyes shining with exhaustion. “Well, that was a kick.”

You don’t think as you charge forward, arms tight around her. She’s here. She’s actually here and breathing and looking at you with a twinkle in her eyes. You can’t stop smiling because she’s _here_. “Hey.” You can’t speak above a whisper, scared that this is just another one of your dreams.

“Hey.” She smiles up at you, eyes softer than you’ve ever seen before. It’s as if she only has eyes for you and you for her. She’s looking at you like you’re the stars, which you know mean everything to her. It hits you that she’s actually here when Perry and Danny make a quick exit, the click of the door closing breaking you out of your spell.

Although the color is slowly returning to Carmilla’s face, there’s still the bruises on her pale arms and the rips in her pants are a darker color from the blood seeping from her skin. It’s obvious by the way she winces when she moves that there are more wounds that you can’t see. It fires off something in your brain and you step back to give her space.

“Are you hurt? It looks like you’re hurt. And I’m sorry that I hugged you so hard that you’re hurt; it’s just that you were dead and now you’re not and—and I know that you’re probably going through…” you ramble on, gulping as she stands. The action reminds you of a feline getting ready to pounce. The butterflies in your stomach make you open your mouth again and continue. “ _..._ Through a lot of stuff with your mom, it’s just that _…_ ”

Her eyes twinkle as she pounces, prey obviously caught in her trap. She cups your cheeks in her palms and pulls you in for a gentle kiss. Your knees buckle in surprise and you cling to her arms. Carmilla pulls away and your brain can’t quick catch up with your mouth. So word vomit comes out with the nerves. “And I know you didn’t do everything for me. I just _…_ ” She cuts you off with a quick peck. The idea that Carmilla actually likes you isn’t new, but the affection she’s freely showing is something you never expected. You squeak against her lips as she presses them to yours. It’s slightly awkward because you’re both smiling.

You can’t hold back anymore. You cup the back of her head, twisting your fingers into her mane of black hair, and pull her down to you. She puts both hands on your hips, thumbs rubbing the skin above the waistband of your pants. Goosebumps break out across your skin at the touch. Carmilla whimpers against you when you slide your tongue to lightly touch hers.

You pull away when you need to breathe and Carmilla pouts, making you chuckle. You’re use to a broody quiet vampire, not this mess of a girl that pouts when you pull away. Regaining your breath, you smile at her. “Wow _._ ” She holds onto your arms, eyes glaze slightly with passion. You open your mouth and what comes out isn’t exactly what you wanted to say. “So you’re a giant black cat, huh?” Referring to the black panther that saved you from going over the edge of the pit during the battle.

Carmilla pulls back in surprise, but the smile that breaks out on her face is bright. She laughs and pulls you in, smile staying as she kisses you. She tastes like iron and dust, but you don’t care.

She tastes like home.

******

“I really can’t have one day without that thing?”

“Oh come on. Don’t you wanna record it for posterity?”

You’re sitting next to her on her bed, yellow pillow placed betweem you, your hands tangled together underneath. Your own bed is messier than you remember it ever being. Probably because you’ve just spent the last hour or so rolling around it in with your vampire roommate. Making out, not, well, anything else. You know Carmilla still has to heal a bit before you can even _think_ of going there. 

For the past five minutes, however, you’ve been arguing with the immortal girl about filming the story of her return to you from her perspective. About her time down in that pit. Carmilla is reluctant, but you know it’s more about winding you up than about actually not wanting to tell her story. “Posterity can bite me _._ ” Her eyes rove over you, darkening and making you flush. Yep, definitely a cat. “I have better things to do _.”_ Her voice is a sensual purr and you shudder.

You gesture weakly to the blinking red recording light. “They are all dying to know you survived _._ ” You wiggle you eyebrows at her. “I will make it worth your while _._ ”

She rolls her eyes at you and it about to tell her story when LaFontaine rushes in, looking tired and hyper at the same time. They gets the Sumerian book from where you’ve been using it as a bathmat. They come back out and, after flipping through the pages thrust it into Carmilla’s hands.

“Uh, Lophiiformes. The page, I know it talks about sacrificing five virgins every twenty years _,_ ” they say nervously, wringing their hands just like Perry does. Carmilla blinks and flips to the correct page with a curious expression on her face. “But does it say anything about what would happen if it ate, say, a very old very powerful vampire like... your mother?”

The ground shakes and there’s a weird rumbling noise coming from outside. Carmilla looks from the window to LaFontaine. “We didn’t kill it?” She sounds more irritated than upset.

You look from Carmilla to LaFontaine and back. “I have an idea _,_ ” you perk up. “We just go. We leave for Reading Week and never come back _._ ” LaF chuckles behind you and Carmilla snorts into the pages of the Sumerian book. “We can do that, right?” Your heart races in fear of what could happen to you and your friends if you stay. “Right _?_ ”

Carmilla opens her mouth to respond but instead of her melodic voice, the sound of an all school meeting, or ‘Town Meeting’ as the university calls it. Perry comes in with Danny behind her, rushing everyone out of the room and to the central auditorium.

*****

Turns out, the Dean’s threats of zombies is quite accurate. As soon as Perry hears the news from the town meeting, she packs you, Carmilla, and LaFontaine down with as much food and water and warm clothes as you can carry. The vampire more than the humans. And so you all shoulder your laden backpacks and set off across the mountain that sets Silas apart from the rest of the world.

Danny and Kirsch decide to stay behind to rally up the Zetas and Summer Society sisters who decide to stay behind and try to keep the zombies _inside_ the Silas campus instead of letting them escape. They promised they’d catch up with you before Christmas. Hopefully, they don’t die protecting a school full of crazy.

A few nights into your trek across the mountain, the four of you are spread out around a campfire Carmilla lit with her mind. You used to be scared of her, back when you first discovered what she was, but now all you can think of is that having a vampire around is very useful.

LaFontaine and Perry are bent toward each other, whispering. Looking over at the vampire in question, you watch as she stokes the fire. It’s as if she can feel your eyes on her, so you look down at your hands. They’re covered in dirt and you’ve let your fingernails grow way too long because they look like claws and that reminds you of…

“You okay?” Carmilla is hovering over you, dark eyes shining with firelight. Your throat feels tight and all you want to do is cry, but you swallow back your tears and nod. The vampire rolls her eyes and sits down, pulling the sleeping bag open and slides in next to you. She opens her arms and you fall into them, shoulders shaking. No tears fall but they’re there.

Carmilla’s shoulders stiffen as you bury your face in her neck before you feel her relax. You feel the pressure of her lips on your hair and forehead over and over again. More soft and comforting than anything you can think of.

It helps you forget that you’re stuck in the middle of the woods, running from a zombie infested school and toward something. Without a way to contact your dad and tell him you’re okay. That you promise you’ll be home by Christmas. At the same time, however, you’re kind of glad you can’t call him. Because you know he’ll freak out and come get you, which means he’s putting himself in danger.

The vampire’s kisses have migrated from your forehead to your cheek. Her lips whisper softly across your skin, as if she is trying to communicate reassurance with actions rather than words. You know she isn’t really comfortable with comforting others, have seen the tenseness of her shoulders whenever she’s tried before. But you know she cares for you, so she tries.

The feeling of her lips slowly lull you into a feeling of safety. You curl up into her, breathing softly against her neck, the rumble of a purr slipping past her lips. It makes you giggle before you feel her squeeze you tighter to her, as if you are the one who almost died.

It’s still a sore subject for both of you. You kiss and cuddle and it’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of since you fell for the vampire, yet you’re both scared for the other shoe to drop.

Carmilla’s throat vibrates as she begins to hum softly. It’s strange to hear her do this, but you fall farther and farther into that space of comfort she has created around you. As her comfort seeps through you, you clutch her tighter to you.

You place your hand over her heart. The humming stops for a moment as she reaches down to curl her hand around your wrist. You can feel her eyes on you, but you keep yours down. As she loosens her hold on you and the humming resumes, you tap your index finger against her heart to the beat of yours. She signs and presses a kiss to your hair and you respond with a sigh of your own.

And when you reach up to pull her down to your lips, you can taste ash and dust and starlight on her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear what you have to say!  
> THAT COMIC from the second section: http://toodrunktofindaurl.tumblr.com/post/103699335461/oops-my-hand-slipped-again-x-im-sorry-for


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